Now that this year is coming to a close I feel compelled to reflect on the wild ride of emotions, experiences and newfound wisdom that was my 2017. The skewed values of a rat race are hard to let go but I learned this year that many things are no longer important and maybe they never should have been given such priority in the first place.

This was not an easy year. As if the new American political landscape wasn’t enough like a sickening bad dream, I had to reinvent myself after losing my fancy job that I was proud of (and loved) and deal with a battered ego and loss of status. Yes, status. When you’ve been surrounded by competitive aggressive climbers and snobs from upper social class you get sucked into a world of global elites and values that center around material worth and connections. It was a privileged perch. Kicked out and unemployed, I now imagined that everyone thought I was a loser. A failure. And over the hill too. Seeing former colleagues’ posts boasts on social media was painful. I was left out while the world went on, thriving without me. I liked all of my former company’s competitors in revenge – as if it mattered. It didn’t. In retrospect I finally realized that in spite of everything it was a great experience, that I was fortunate to have worked with some amazing talent, but also how consumed – and corrupted – I was by that job.

During my time off in the first few months of the year I volunteered at a food bank. Not only did it open my eyes to another world but it got me off my sofa and out of the house. I needed to be around people – and even better if it was doing something good and not focused on myself. So I forgot my own pity party for a minute and saw the lives of others, many with far more disadvantages that just old age and sour grapes. I still think of the onion story every time I cut into one – which is pretty much every day since I like to cook. And am thankful for what I have.

I took a basic coding course at General Assembly thinking it would add to my skill set. I was looking for a new job after all. It didn’t. Let’s face it, I’m 58 and never going to need to know how to code (though it helps a little with this simple blog). The instructor was a short white man in his late 20s or early 30s who was so condescending I could practically read the disdainful comments in his mind as he sneered at each of the predominantly female Baby Boomers that made up the class when they asked what he seemed to think were stupid questions. Naturally, I later gave him a very bad review and hoped that my equally lumpy and grey haired classmates did the same.

I joined Toastmasters earlier this year and cannot believe how much I enjoy this club. Again, I thought having more polish on presenting would help my arsenal of skills for my next job. But never mind giving presentations in a corporate capacity – let’s be real – those days may be over. I also began writing while unemployed and comfort in public speaking is valuable for telling stories. I’m an amateur – just getting warmed up as you can see by the handful of stories published here. But each month I look forward to making a jackass of myself in front of the group and take the critiques seriously.

Being somewhat liberated and thrust into new circumstances, I made new friends and reconnected with old ones. It was an incredible comfort knowing that there were others who were either going through or had gone through the same thing and came out unscathed – and in many cases, stronger and wiser and that it wasn’t always about financial well being. Or status. Some might disagree and think this is an excuse for justifying the fact that I’ve been discarded and now need to validate my current situation. But I loved hearing stories of reinvention and resilience. I was inspired. My cynical self was surprised by genuine kindness. And disappointed by those from whom I would have expected differently.

Through the kindness of one such friend I was fortunate to have landed a new job after six months. That’s pretty good for someone my age. The average time it takes to get hired once you’re older than 50 is a year or more so I consider myself lucky and am grateful. It’s modest but low stress and pleasant for the most part. Though a fraction of my former salary, it has enabled me to keep the lights on and offer some respite as I am still making the adjustment to a new reality. I can manage for now. And more importantly I now have time to pursue more creative personal projects – far more satisfying than gunning for a promotion or throwing an enemy under the bus. Maybe.

As the memories of my former life fade each day and my new one takes over, I’m thankful for friends, health, a reasonably good brain, pets and a new year to look forward to. My goal in 2018 is to tell more stories, do more art and spend time with people I like.